Ted 777Having a great up-bringing, a good education, a loving family and the blessing of God on your life is always filled with tears of joy but also marred with tears of pain and suffering.  It’s a part of life!  You will never avoid those deep moments in your life where you feel like your heart has been ripped out and trampled on.

As a boy, the fear of being left alone in the jungles of Papua New Guinea was very real in my mind.  Seeing and experiencing my mother haemorrhaging to what we were told was to be her death (praise God it was not the case).

Going from school to school!  The life of a missionary child consisted of being part of a family totally sold out on serving the Kingdom of God.  Coming to Australia only to make huge adjustments to a new way of life and a peculiar culture!  I distinctly remember the tears, sometimes tears of torment and anguish for being bullied terribly at school.

Then in my teens I experienced a different type of weeping as I invited the Holy Spirit to take over my life!  Many youth camps were spent lying down or kneeling at the altar of sacrifice as God was putting His hand on me.  My heart being broken in His presence as a word was spoken over my life.  A word of destiny, a word of hope!

I quickly realized that this was the best place, the best environment for me.  It was in His presence.  It was eating at His table.  It was partaking of His goodness.  His love saturated my being.  His anointing immersed my atmosphere.  I knew that I knew that by being connected to Him the tears would always flow.  It was joy unspeakable!

As time passed, tears as a result of His Spirit were my comfort zone and my peace.  Knowing everything was going to be ok, because I was in His presence.  I felt the emotions rise and down would flow buckets of tears.

My Grandma’s passing and later Grandpa Tommy became a significant moment for me as their love and friendship was so dear to me.  In the quietness of a split second of the day I still greave for them as they we’re my heroes.  The stories they told and the prayers they prayed we’re so powerful to me.  I found solace in their company.  At their funeral I was inconsolable.  This was the closeness of my relationship with them.  I would never again see them on this side of eternity.  As I learnt to cope without them I also learnt to communicate with God.  He also wasn’t around in the physical, but I knew His presence and talked with Him as if He was there in flesh.  Just like Grandma and Grandpa, it was a new intimacy that I could experience on a daily basis.

Then I learnt to preach and lead people into God’s presence.  There was a gift on my life and it was now being discovered through intimate and beautiful worship experiences at the foot of the cross.  There was no better place.  As I wept I knew this as my place of rest.  This was my place of peace!  This was where the healing flowed and forgiveness of sins were eradicated.  I found strength beyond my own capabilities.

I discovered that tears are never to be feared.  I learnt to embrace tears as a beautiful part of my life and my closest friend.  The anointing present was manifest when I wept before the Almighty God.

Being at home playing the piano, writing a song in the wilderness of my experience, riding my horses in an exquisite countryside!  Standing in a meeting before I was to get up to preach, God would touch my inner most being and I would weep in His presence.  The Holy Spirit said to me in that still small voice….”Ted you’re weeping because you love me, but now you will weep because you know, I love you!”  Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks.  This is how much He loves me!  He gave Himself for me.  What a price to pay!  What a sacrifice!  Great grace beyond grace!  Incredible!

Of resent years, with the breaking down of what I thought was a good marriage, brought my world into absolute chaos.  My heart was once again broken and the ripping effect it had on my emotions and spirit was literally almost too much too bear.  Why God?  Why did this need to happen?  He said to me it another watershed moment, “It’s a broken and a contrite heart I’m looking for.  In your brokenness you will find strength and fortitude.  This will be the making of Ted Evans. This will cause him to rise up with a new found tenacity and confidence.”

Tears would flow and the more they trickled down my face the more I knew God was at work and the more I knew He was with me in my darkest hour.

James puts it this way – “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Life is full of tests.  It’s how you navigate through those times of testing that is important.  It will either make or break you.  You’ll get bitter or better.

My word for you is “Having done all STAND!”  Weep at His footstool, and embrace the journey because God is in control and He’ll direct your path as you stay broken before Him.  Remember God is attracted to brokenness and you will see the sun shine again.  “Weeping may endure in the evening but JOY comes in the morning!”

Having done all that I could, having stood my ground and put my trust in God, allowing myself to find true unadulterated love in His word, He began to show me that life could be as He had intended – rich and full of blessing.  He has begun to not only restore to me that which I thought I had, but above and beyond all that I could hope or imagine, just like He promised in Ephesians 3:20. 

I have a wonderful and adoring young wife and two handsome and strong young sons, a family that supports and loves and a church community that are embracing the vision that God has given Kylie and myself.  God does deliver His promises, just not always as we expect.  Trust in Him, even when you don’t think you can trust anymore.  He will prove Himself faithful. 

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