Category: marriage


Ted, Kristan and Harry EvansJeremiah 29:11

There are certain things I look at in people’s lives to encourage them.  Firstly we should acknowledge the good things that God has done.  Don’t dwell on the negative.  There’s too many of those!  See how God has been working in your life through people and circumstances.  Remember God is shaping and moulding us into His image.  The company you keep is important in shaping your mindsets.  If you don’t have a friend, be friendly the Bible says.

A selfish person will not acknowledge good in themselves or in others.  Everything is “whatever”.  The “whatever” culture and attitude is so prevalent in people today that it’s destroying hope for a future.

If you’re young, see your youth as being a blessing.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  If you are studying and others seem so far in front in their chosen career, remember this is a preparation time.  You are in a season of building your foundation.  Planning and studying is essential.  Remember, “You’ll have your day in the sun”.  Your time is coming so study to show yourself approved.

If you’re old and consider yourself a senior, thank God for the experiences, whether positive or negative.  The experiences you’ve had can help people as you offer yourself as support and encouragement.  Life’s journey is a gift to help others in giving people wisdom they desperately need.  This wisdom can be shared.  You can provide people with guide lines and instruction to assist them from making the same mistakes you made in life.  See everything as an opportunity for good.

There are so many ways we read our lives.  The perception of how we are going sometimes gets clouded and we need another viewpoint.  Maybe a close friend can bring home some positive truths about our lives.  Talk to a pastor with a sensitivity to your situation.

Pick yourself up and believe the simple truth that God is a good God and gives good gifts.  Trust Him with your future.  Never give up and remember God loves you and has you’re best interest at heart.

In my darkest hours I held onto what I knew was right.  My convictions and values made me stay the course.  Even though there were a few hick ups along the way, I kept going to church.  I lifted my hands in worship even though I didn’t feel a thing.  I prayed even though it felt like the heavens were like brass.  My attitude was taken from the scriptural principle that says “Put on the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness”, “Though the fig tree does not blossom, yet will I rejoice in the Lord”, “I will” rejoice in the Lord and AGAIN I will rejoice!”

Keeping the consistencies in life was so important to me in the hard times.  Don’t run from your circumstances.  Don’t look for the bottle, drugs or the easy way out.  Face the issues and slowly pull yourself out.  Get help!  Talk to someone and pray.  Step by step, one thing and one day at a time.  Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day!

In many lives decisions have been made without counsel and research is the last avenue most go down.  Most people have made their minds up.  God hasn’t been consulted.  Pastors’ advice is not sought after and when all is said and done the pastor somewhere along the road has to pick up the pieces.

It saddens me to see people struggle and in many cases have their destiny cut short. For some, isolation subtly becomes a reality and a way of life.  Often church attendance drops away and we forget…WE NEED EACH OTHER!  If we keep to the fellowship of the believers, consistent and continual, it will keep many from falling.

Be a giver not a taker.  Faith gives when reason would say to hold on to everything you can get.  The mindset “everybody owes me something” is wrong and very selfish thinking in its nature.  The church owes me; the school should be doing this and that, the pastor should be visiting me.  People that flounder in depression are people that stay in a place of “it’s all about me”!  I, ME instead of OTHERS, and WE!  When we put in and give, we live more fulfilled and enriched lives.

Help someone, serve in the church.  Give of your time and resource.  Live for God and others.  Bake a cake, write a card, send a gift, a word of life to a struggling person.  Fill yourself up, by pouring out.  David encouraged himself in the Lord.

Sometimes the very things that we are doing are the things that will ultimately destroy us and our family.  Our selfishness leads to unhappiness.  We pursue things, careers and life style.  No one wins and God is not glorified.  Giving people are loved people.  Giving people are happy people.  Giving people are satisfied.  Giving people don’t live for themselves.  God first!  We’ve got to do things God’s way to get God results.  The true and best pattern is God’s pattern – everything else ends up in disappointment.  Live for Jesus and the things of this world will grow strangely dim.

Don’t sit helplessly in “camp containment” put on your armour, pick up your weapons and boot Satan out of your life.  The measure of your containment is directly related to how Christlike or un-Christlike you are in your daily responses to the people, events, and circumstances of life.

Let Christ be your standard in a world as busy and involved as it is.  People are bored and empty because they have devoted themselves and their lives to things that ultimately lack meaning and purpose.  The only way to fulfil your destiny is to take the first step and then next step and the next … as God leads.

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Ted EvansThe world is searching for happiness! People quit their secure jobs, leave their spouse and are constantly unsettled because of this search for so-called happiness.

I know of people who have spent the majority of their married life trying to please their partner, going along with every whim so as to see them content in what they desired.

I have seen husbands try to take leadership of the home to no avail because of a domineering wife pursuing her so called happiness (and vice versa).

I have seen couples break up and when asked why, the immediate answer was because, “I’m not Happy”, “I don’t love him anymore”, the latest phrase is, “He abused me.”

Well, who is happy anyway….all the time, I say?

Another question:

What is marriage?

Is it all about being happy?

Is that the criteria?

Is that the goal?

Is that why you married that person?

If all your ducks don’t line up does that mean all is lost?  Do you fantasise about someone else? Trade him/her in for a new model!  Maybe a rich millionaire will show me the world and give me the happiness I’m longing for!

After much soul searching and many deep personal experiences I have come to a very basic conclusion.  Life isn’t about being happy.  The bible talks about contentment, and joy.  Happiness is fleeting but joy is lasting.  To me it’s all about commitment and perseverance!  Overcoming obstacles together!

I believe so many worldly and demonic practises have been employed in Christendom.  We see so much ungodliness and it’s certainly not a spiritual thought pattern or process.  The bible doesn’t even come into play anymore, it seems.

Some people are so intelligent that they know absolutely nothing.  Ignorance is portrayed in their behaviour.  I’m sorry, you can tell me one thing but your action is telling me something else.  You can tell me you love God and put Him first but what you are doing each day says something completely different.  I guess the bible says it this way, “You judge them by their fruit.”  Time will tell, I say!

Let me write something to describe some wrong thinking.  Ultimately wrong thinking becomes wrong behaviour.  Wrong choices and heart breaking disappointments soon follow wrong behaviour.

Some calls it Relativism, meaning no absolute truth.  Rampant in the church of Jesus Christ!

Subjectivism

Rationalism

Post modernism, meaning there is no real truth

New age religion

Experimenting (The devil said to Eve…go on Eve, take it! Try it!

These and more describe what is going on in people’s lives, and in their thinking each day of the year.  Most times without them knowing these thought patterns are there, but the person doesn’t realize they are.

We have moved so far from biblical truth, the absolutes of the bible and then grapple with distorted truth and make excuses daily to explain ourselves away.

The truth is: Happiness comes out of being content.  The overflow or outcome of joy is a happy lifestyle and a person who is at peace with themselves, God and others. Joy=happiness.  Happiness is existential.  Joy is internal, from your spirit man.  Joy is a deep gratitude of the saving grace and forgiveness that Jesus gave through His death and resurrection.

I am filled with inner joy and peace because of my deep and real relationship with Jesus Christ.  This covers every sin committed past, present and future.  Sin will always have devastating effect on any human being, ultimately death, but because of His forgiveness I walk in complete joy, peace and happiness.

I reiterate happiness is not the goal.  Happiness is shallow.  Happiness can be a selfish pursuit never really being fulfilled.

Many people walk in hurt and bitterness which is the basis of selfishness.  Not getting what you want, maybe unmet expectations, leading to disappointment, hurt, offense and then bitterness.  The final result of uncontrolled bitterness is demon possession.

A self-indulgent, impure spirit has it basis in a self-indulgent life style.  Gimme!   Gimme!  Gimme!  Husbands are working excessive hours to provide the lifestyle and things that their wives are lusting for.  Only a few years after they have all the wants and desire they run off and take everything that has been worked for over many years leaving their partner desolate and confused to say the least.

Disloyally is rampant, some overt and some very subtle but it all stems from an independent spirit developed over many years.  This is the characteristic of an unhappy and ungodly person sometimes claiming righteousness but deep within the pages of their life is a chronic and devastating disorder.

Ungratefulness is in epidemic proportions to the point that people cannot keep up or fulfil their need for more and more.  The basis of ungratefulness is pride.  If you follow the path of pride in your life it will definitely lead to a basis of fear.

The bible says, God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love power and a sound mind.  Now, that sounds like, JOY.  That sounds like a happy person.  Love, power and a sound mind!  Content and fulfilled in every way!

When you walk the road of dishonesty and cultivate a poverty spirit, you can become extremely lazy and unproductive.

Self righteousness comes from a person who condemns themselves, beats themselves up but also condemns and judges others.  Constantly being critical of others!  This is not only a sad person but sadly a destroyed soul.  Outwardly they claim happiness but inwardly they are in turmoil, going from one purchase to another, one food group to another, one fashion store to another and in most cases relationships are severed.  One relationship to another, searching, looking, relentlessly pursuing…but to no avail!  Empty!  Wanting!

Don’t the words of Jesus mean much to us when He says “Take no thought of tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself.”   In fact it implies that Jesus attends the funeral of every sparrow that falls to the ground.  “Don’t be anxious!” ”Rejoice in the Lord, and again I say rejoice!

Isaiah says “Don’t eat food, drink and work for that which does not satisfy”.  I believe as we obey the word of God that says “To seek first the Kingdom of God” Everything we need will be provided which ensures us of joy, and happiness.

We are being changed from Glory to Glory!  Being transformed into His likeness!  It takes toughness, strength and fortitude to allow our character to be shaped and moulded into that beautiful and whole person that brings glory to God.  We are the clay, He is the potter!

Ted and KylieHow to get under God’s protection

As a Pastor, I am constantly concerned for people and their understanding of Kingdom principles.  It’s one thing to know them, but it’s altogether another thing to be able to correctly and fruitfully apply them.  I believe that submission and obedience to authority is a Kingdom Principle that needs to be re-established.

In a world where authority is disrespected and disregarded, our only hope is to trust what God has told us from the very beginning.  God is our ultimate authority and the Word of God is the ultimate written authority, spoken by God Himself.

We have television shows that make parents and social authorities look inferior, worthy of disdain and mockery.

We have people in rebellion in every walk of life – our own politicians, for right or wrong motives, find it difficult to submit and support their own leaders and instead publically refute their support and the loyalty due their leader.

We have people of all ages changing jobs frequently or not being able to hold down a steady job for long because the boss is always wrong and the employee knows better.

We have a generation of people that not only want their silver platter handed to them, but they want it lined with 18 carat gold, crusted with diamonds, with a money back guarantee that lasts a lifetime regardless of how poorly it is treated and then they want it handed to them only to desire that it is carried around for them too!

God’s plan has always involved authority and being submitted to authority.

We fool ourselves if we think that we can escape or that we are somehow exempt from authority.

God’s absolute authority was passed on to us in different aspects and Paul outlines this very clearly in Romans 13:1-2:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

God has instituted 4 forms of delegated authority under His divine authority.

Whether it is liked or not, there is a very clear pecking order and we can choose either God’s blessing or the consequences that result from our choice of whether to be under authority or not.

The 4 delegated authorities are:

Family

–          Husband, Wife and then the Children

Ephesians 5:22 – 6:4

Government

–          National & Local Leaders and then the Citizens

1 Peter 2:13-14

Church

–          Church Leaders and then the Members

Hebrews 13:17

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13

Employment

–          Employer and then the Employee

Colossians 3:22

1 Peter 2:18-19

There are very clear and basic purposes for God’s authority and the ways that He has instituted it.

The basic purposes for authority are 3 fold:

1. To Grow in Wisdom and Character
Luke 2:49-52

2. To Gain Protection From Destructive Temptations – Incomplete Obedience

1 Samuel 15:23

3. To Receive Clear Direction For Life Decisions

From those three basic principles comes protection under authority.  When we learn to submit and then actually do submit, there is protection for us under authority.  God is a good God.  He knows how things are supposed to work because He created them to work perfectly in perfect unison and harmony.  He knows that we need to lean submission in small steps which is why the very first authority that we come under is the authority of our family.

Children need to learn to submit and obey their parents.  If this first and most basic step is not implemented correctly, each other authority institution and authority figure will be a challenge for that child as they grow and develop.

If we want our children to grow up with a God instituted and healthy respect for authority and have the ability to submit and be obedient, we need to train them from birth.  Their protection in life begins with us.

We need to teach our children and those around us to understand the balance of power.  That is, we need to understand that coming under the delegated authorities means that we are coming under an umbrella of protection.  Like when we step out in the rain, if we have an umbrella we won’t get wet.  It doesn’t stop the rain, but we are protected.  If we don’t have that umbrella and we go out in the rain, we are at the mercy of the weather and we will get wet– we have no protection.

We need to discover how God is using authorities in our life

It is imperative that you determine correctly who your authorities are.  That doesn’t mean that we can pick and choose whom we submit and obey, it means to be aware of and willing to be obedient to every authority that God has instituted.

God has promised you direction, provision and protection through 4 structures of authority:

Family

Strong families produce strong churches and nations.

It’s in the family that we should learn:

Obedience

Submission

Right style of relationship

And how to appeal to authority

Government

Not only are we as Christians given instructions to honour and obey our King, but we are given illustrations on how to do it

Church

To its leadership is given the responsibility of the spiritual care and welfare of each member

Employment

Bosses and managers are in place to be responsible for the welfare of the company and the employees as well as the clients and customers.

It is important to discern how God is using authority in your life.  The purpose is to be conformed to Christ’s personality and His likeness – He humbled Himself and was obedient even unto death.

Lastly, we need to identify situations in which you must appeal to authority

Appealing to authority means that when you don’t agree with a situation or a decision, you respectfully and calmly approach your leader or the person concerned and speak with them.  This can take the form of either a verbal conversation or you could write to them.  Either way, there are attitudes that need to first be checked.

1. Do we have an Independent Spirit which is the basis of Disloyalty?

2. Do we have a condemning spirit which is the basis of self-righteousness?

3. Do we have an ungrateful spirit which is the basis of pride?

4. Do we have a lazy spirit which is the basis of dishonesty & poverty?

5. Do we have a bitter spirit which is the basis of selfishness?

6. Do we have an impure spirit which is the basis of self-indulgence?

Sometimes we can fool ourselves or be fooled into thinking that we are more than what we really are or that we know more than what our authority does.  It’s difficult to admit sometimes, but the people that are in leadership over us are there for a reason.  Children find it difficult to believe that their parents actually know what they are talking about and if this is not handled correctly, this type of attitude can go with them all through their lives.  Through their schooling years where they think they know better than their teachers, through their sporting interests where they think they know better than their coaches, through their working lives where they think they know better than their bosses and through their married life where they think they know better than anyone.

This type of attitude is very unteachable and self detrimental, often resulting in broken relationships and job changes and a poor reputation.

On the other hand, for the person that hears and learns how to appeal to authority and understands that God has put people and positions of authority in our lives for our safety and benefit, to bless and honour us not control and restrict.

God can use authority structures even if they are hard to bring change in our lives – Change into Christ likeness is our goal!

My prayer is that you will be blessed on your journey into Christ likeness and healthy and fruitful connections.

PC300052And so it had begun.  We were married!  The beginning of the rest of our lives was right there in front of us…not in the distance, but right there and we were walking into it!

Kyls had spent weeks researching the perfect spot for us to have our honeymoon…all 2 days of it!  Kylie had to go straight back to work so we wanted something that would be secluded, quiet, beautiful and cosy.  We had found a lovely little eco lodge on a bluff in the Coffin Bay area that was nestled on 100 acres.  It was far from anyone and serene enough to meet our needs for the weekend.

We arrived at the lovely little lodge to discover that the man who owned the place actually had a house on there too.  And, not just on the same property, but his house was under the extension that he had built as his eco lodge…THAT WE WERE STAYING IN!!!!

To make matters even funnier, it just so happened that his bedroom happened to be directly under our bedroom and living area.  Nice.

Such a friendly host, the poor gentleman didn’t quite get any of Kyls’s hints that it was our honeymoon…he just kept coming back to visit with us!  He was such a talkative chap, it was difficult to get a word in and make our point clear.

HONEYMOON.

NEWLYWEDS.

SECLUSION.

2 DAYS.

NO PEOPLE.

Nope.  Didn’t work!  The lovely man thought that we might be hungry and so he, generously and kindly, brought us up 2 bowls of delicious, fresh, homemade mushroom soup, with mushrooms that he had picked that morning from the paddocks around the house, and hot, crusty bread.  It really was great, but we really did just want some space and time to ourselves.  Surely, that was understandable!

The space was nice…there was a small living/dining/kitchen area, kind of like a cabin in a holiday park, a nice bedroom and an open bathroon with 270 degree windows….great view…if it was as secluded as we had thought!

Kyls decided that since it was so cold and since we’d not really had the opportunity to have a proper shower at the hotel (they gave us no clean towels..go figure!) she would shower now…especially since it seemed that the friendly host had finally left us in peace.

Showered and dry from a just warm shower, just like most girls, Kyls needed to dry her hair…out came the hair dryer and out went the power.  We were discovering fast that our perfect little eco lodge really meant – little power, low temperature heating and housing below!

Somehow, from out of nowhere, our friend, the chatting host, appeared!  He informed us that a hair dryer used too much power and so, with the weather having been so overcast recently the solar panels weren’t fully charged.  Ergo, we didn’t have very hot water and we had a limited power supply!  No more hairdryer for Kyls!

What a funny start to our marriage and honeymoon!

Over the two days, we enjoyed creative meals (we had very limited supplies and the closest shops was 1 hour away – and it was closed because it was a public holiday!), spurts of time with no power and lengths of timw with power.  Fortunately, Kyls had brought with us all of the candle that were left over from the wedding which meant that at night time, we at least had some light.

The gas heater was fan forced and so relied on the electricity that did and didn’t work.  Our laptop was our source of music, running on battery power.  Our little sink was our washing tub and the line downstairs, near the hosts room, was our washing line!  Our lovely wooden posted bed made more sounds than an old door in a scary movie…and that was just when we walked in the room!  The balcony, however, had a sensational view. It overlooked a peaceful little bay and early in the mornings we heard and saw native birds on the rails.  It was very romantic when we thought about it!

We figured that God was just exercsing His sense of humour and extending ours…we had to laugh or we could have been devastated.  But, Kyls being Kyls, made every moment fun and enjoyable.  We had a great time together (in spite of the power going off more that 7 times (I think) in 2 1/2 days!  We were able to appreciate and enjoy the solitude (eventually) and each other for a few precious moments before we came back to full time reality!

When we finally did arrive home, we walked in to a beautifully clean and inviting house.  Friends had organised a beautiful meal and there were more gifts to open.  Kyls unpacked…in our house…her house.

We were married.  We were one.  We were together, in our own home, delightfully happy and content.  At last.

Thank God.  Kylie’s Psalm, her word from God had finally come to pass for both of us…

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4