Tag Archive: divorce


Ted EvansPsalm 139:14

I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.

2 Corinthians 4:18

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord.  And the Lord–who is the Spirit–makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image.

I have been known to God since before my conception!  The same with you!

Every one of my days has been accounted for and seen by God – He knows me and has known me.

He created me – fearfully and wonderfully, to become glorious for Him.

The things in our lives, people, places, encounters with God and circumstances shape us.  Ultimately, though, who we are was determined before we were born.

There have been many situations, ups and downs , hurts and joys, successes and disappointments, in my life that have caused me to grow into and become the person that I am today.

Because of the circumstances of life in the past few years, I’ve heard it said of me:

“Ted is more understanding of people and more compassionate.”

“He’s less judgmental.”

I can agree with those statements as often there are things that we don’t fully comprehend the pain or the joy of unless we have been there ourselves.

I am more understanding.

I am more compassionate.

I am less judgemental.

I can identify with peoples brokenness.
I am more tolerant.

The thing is, this should be the case with all of us.  As we grow to become more like Christ, our lives and our attitudes should reflect that of Christ Jesus.

At the same time, as a result of what I have been through and what I have seen, there have been some other changes too.

I have little tolerance with manipulative, wishy washy, weak willed Christians that try to pull the wool over people’s eyes.

That may sound anything like what I have just previously said, but, hear me out.

I have become more loving and tougher at the same time.

I’ve become a stronger person and more decisive as a leader, knowing precisely what I want and what I want to achieve.

I have learned to rely on God when He is all I have and then at that moment, I have discovered that He’s all I need.

I have learned that tough times will either catapult you to God and to strength or you’ll go the other way displaying a victim mentality and weakness in your personality and character.

This type of weakness and victim mentality is always blame shifting!

It is always self focussed and ‘poor me’ in nature.
As a leader I have a low tolerance for bad attitudes, and the cavalier living of some so called Christians.

Jesus suffered and that’s putting it mildly in anyone’s estimations.

He was battered and bruised, He was beaten and bloodied, He was accused and taunted.

And for what?  For us.

And what was His response?

They led Him like a lamb to the slaughter…He was innocent and didn’t cry out for a pity party or pass the buck to anyone walking past.

He didn’t call out, “It wasn’t me!  It was Judas, he’s lying!”

He didn’t throw a tantrum.

He didn’t have a hissy fit.

He didn’t go around bad mouthing and slandering people and making up accusations.

No.

He went through it all and because of that He knows, He understands and He loves all the same.
I know what’s it’s like to be betrayed.
I know what it’s like to have people be disloyal to you.
I know what’s it’s like to be in deep depression and think suicidal thoughts.
I know the feeling of abandonment and what it’s like to be abandoned.
I know what emotional, physical and mental abuse feels like.
I know what’s it’s like to back slide and be spiritually empty.

I know what it’s like to be slandered and lied about.

I know what it’s like to be misjudged, misquoted, misinterpreted, perceived wrongly, and accused unjustly.

I know what loss is.
I know what it’s like to be emotionally, financially and physically bankrupt.
But, I know what repentance is!
I know what forgiveness is!
I now know God’s restorative power.
I now know His peace!

Love, forgiveness and acceptance.
These things are mine!

I know His grace!
I know how to pull myself out of the pits with God’s help.

I know how to lean on Jesus and how to keep my focus on Him.

I know how to depend on God – a strong fortress in times of trouble.

This is not me having a pity party or a poor me self expression time.

This is me, sharing with you, recognising how God has worked in and through my life and how He is causing me to be more like Him.

He didn’t stand for the Pharisees or the Sadducees of the day.

He didn’t take kindly to bad behaviour – but He did love and He did correct.

That’s what I’ve learned how to do better as a result of my experiences.
I think I now make a more understanding and capable pastor of people.
I’ve been there and can help others to come through their own life’s challenges.

I’ve not just come through, but I gained a life style of victory over self, sin and the world.

I have gained a stronger relationship with Jesus and learned that He is my source and my strength.

I have learned, and am continuing to learn, how to be content and how to trust in God with all that I have and all that I am.

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PC150032What do you do when you feel that life has all but passed you by and that all your hopes and dreams seem to have been both stolen or denied based on other peoples choices?

You keep the faith.  You look to the One who called you by name and knows your future and your every tear.  You remind yourself that there is a better day coming even though the storm clouds look darker than the night sky.  You call to mind the promises that God has given – both in His Word and in your personal walk with Him.

It’s no secret that the biggest tragedy of my life occurred just a few short years ago.  My life was suddenly turned upside down and tragically almost everything that I thought was solid in my life, everything that I held dear was ripped out from under me.  Opinions were created and manipulated by people who had a San Ballat spirit. 

I was at a place in my life where I thought that I would never again see the blessings of God in a way that I had seen and had imagined. 

After the move from my previous church, I worked in the fashion industry for some time all the while knowing that God had called me and anointed me for the ministry.  I was, all of a sudden, in a place that meant I had to put into practice many of the lessons and principles that I had preached over many years.  I had to determine in my heart if I was going to trust God with all that I had left and be totally surrendered to Him and His mercy or if I was going to be like so many others and just call the shots myself. 

I chose to do the former.  I chose to put myself into the hands of my loving Heavenly Father and I chose to believe that as I stepped out in faith He would not only pave the way for me, but that He would provide all that He had promised. 

In my willingness to simply serve God and do whatever my hands found to do, I was offered a job driving a truck of thoroughbred horses across the country.  For a man who loves horses, this seemed like a great opportunity.  That was until I had my lessons!  In spite of all my efforts, it became obvious that truck driving was not going to be for me. 

It was during this time that I received a call from the Executive of the South Australian AOG.  They invited me to take on a 6 month interim position at a church in Whyalla (where is Whyalla? I thought!).  In my spirit I felt God quietly, yet distinctly, say to me, “Ted, I wanted to see if you would be willing even to drive trucks for me”.  What an incredibly humbling and exciting revelation.

I found that Whyalla was not only 4 hours from Adelaide but that it was also classed as a desert space!  I was moving from the lush Brisbane lifestyle with my family to the dusty country outback where I knew not a soul.  What on earth was I doing and more to the point, what on earth was God doing?

I moved to Whyalla and my Dad joined me for the first few weeks (I needed someone to talk to!).  Within a few days I was overwhelmed with the realisation of the decision and the move that I had made.  I had not only left a beautiful place, but I had left all that I knew, all who had supported me and encouraged and loved me through my darkest hours.  I had also left behind my most treasured possessions – my boys, Kristan and Harry. 

This affected me dramatically, but my strength, as always, was found in God.  I spent many hours walking and praying and crying out to God, seeking His purpose for bringing me to this seemingly deserted and isolated place.  Very soon I was to discover that God indeed had a plan so much greater and sweeter than I could have ever imagined. 

I had met Kylie when I first arrived in Whyalla – she had set up the house that I was to live in and was partly responsible for bringing me to Whyalla as she was on the church Board.  After a few weeks of watching and listening, I asked her out for coffee.  She went on school camp and we spent the three days texting and getting to know each other.

When she returned, we did go out for coffee.  I told her all of the reasons as to why she should not be interested in me and laid out very clearly all the reasons why we should not pursue a friendship.  I was divorced.  I had 2 children.  I was bald.  I was 42.  I was a minister.  To each thing that I listed, she calmly smiled and told me that none of it was going to sway her from what God had spoken to her heart – I was the man that she had waited for – “the man that God would bring through the doors of a church”.

I was supposed to be in Whyalla for 6 months.  4 weeks into this, Kylie and I were developing a deep friendship and a growing respect.  I had not only fallen in love with Whyalla and the people, but I had fallen in love with a short, brown haired girl with a big smile and a huge love for Jesus. 

I had a miracle from God.  A bitter sweet miracle.  Bitter in that I missed my boys (and still do) terribly.  Sweet in that I had found a woman of character and strength who believes that her purpose is to love me – my soul mate.  That, knowing what I’ve been though, is a miracle of great magnitude.

“For I know the plans I have for you”, says the Lord.  “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

It’s not easy, but it is real and it is true.  God knows.  God cares.  God is faithful.

oneLife doesn’t always go the way we plan.  Over the last few years I have experienced something that never in my wildest imagination thought I would go through.  Divorce is a killer and God hates it, but it’s a tragic reality that is in epidemic proportions in the world.  The stats say that 1 in every 2 marriages ends in divorce and 75% of second marriages end in divorce.

It has only been of recent times that I have been able to speak openly about my situation and how I have been able to dig and scrape myself out of the deep hole of rejection and pain that was brought about by divorce.  There is no other description that I can think of that can describe the immense emotional trauma that divorce brings into your life.

Children are the ones that suffer the most and the lawyers are the only people that gain from this destructive and devastating, demonic attack on our families.

I have a few brief suggestions on how I was able to overcome and get through.  I don’t think you can ever get over it completely but you certainly learn to live with it and in my situation God has given me an incredible wife that understands and loves me.  Kylie has shown unconditional love and companionship throughout this journey. 

Everything starts and ends in your thinking.

The bible says to cast down imaginations.  Bring into captivity every thought. Renew your mind daily. It is easier said than done but very possible in God.

1) Control. 

Control your mind and how you think so that you can interpret the situation and respond effectively to the crisis.  A crisis will reveal the true leadership and character in you.  True leadership plans and manages and does not lose control.  We are given the Holy Spirit to guide us and grow us – the fruit of the Spirit includes self control!

2) Opportunity.

Crisis is an opportunity to draw on potential. No matter what it happening, see it as an opportunity not the end of the world.  God gives us opportunities to grow, to overcome and succeed.  In short, He gives us the opportunity to become like Him and draw on His divine strength in every situation.  In this, He is glorified!

3) Perception.

Controlled perception is not denial, but how you think about your circumstance!  Rise above your circumstances.  Don’t allow your thoughts to become ‘victim’ in nature and a product of your circumstances, but control your thoughts so that you become self-controlled and maintain a positive outlook and attitude no matter what is happening in your life. (Don’t allow your thoughts to spiral downwards, take on the mind of Christ.)

There is no quick fix to anything.  But, give yourself time and remember your response to the situation is what matters.  Pick yourself up, give yourself a treat, shake of the self pity, look the crisis in the eye and say…”Today is going to be a better day”, “I will get through this”, “The sun will shine again”. 

Remember, every day is a better day and the best is yet to come!  Christ in me the hope of glory!